Open Sesame

 

Its not often that I read a biography and its even less often that I feel compelled to share my thoughts on that book with the world. Upon finishing OPEN, the autobiography of Andre Agassi my only reaction is to do just that.

Let me start by saying that I was never an Agassi fan. I didn’t grow up following him or even tennis. But reading this book, not only made me wish I had, it took me through the entire journey as though I was there. How could a man who “hates Tennis” go on to be such a force in the sport, helping to define it into the “show” that I know and love today.

 

Here are some of my “favourite” excerpts/quotes.

“How beautiful to dream. But dreams are so damn tiring…I can’t promise you that you won’t be tired, he says. But please know this. There is a lot of good waiting for you on the other side of tired. Get yourself tired. That’s where you’re going to know yourself. On the other side of tired.”

I’ve been there. We all have.

“I find peace in his claim that perfectionism is voluntary. Perfectionism is something I chose, and it’s ruining me, and I can choose something else. I must choose something else. No one has ever said this to me”

“I play and I keep playing because I choose to play. Even if it’s not your ideal life, you can always choose it. No matter what your life is, choosing it changes everything”

Taken from different parts of the book, together these are magic. I think that far too often we lose track of our purpose as we strive for perfection. Sometimes a simple reminder not to be consumed by the quest for perfection and just to stop and actually see what is happening around us is all that’s needed to bring us back to reality. I wish you could learn this lesson.

And finally, this last line comes from near the end of his career and story. I think it speaks for itself. I’m still figuring it all out.

“Also, several sportswriters muse about my transformation, and that word rankles. I think it misses the mark. Transformation is change from one thing to another, but I started as nothing. I didn’t transform,  I formed. ….I didn’t alter my image, I discovered it. I didn’t change my mind. I opened it. He says people have been fooled by my changing looks, my clothes and hair, into thinking that I know who I am. People see my self exploration as self expression”

 

Once upon a time…

You ever walk into a situation where you know exactly what’s going to happen… and then you go into it anyway? And then when what you’re afraid of happens… you kick yourself, because you should have known better. But that’s just who you are – so you keep punishing yourself. 

It never ceases to amaze me how the universe sends me messages. Yesterday while watching my now favourite show “Once Upon a Time” the episode ended with the above. I could have written it myself. Every time I think I’m alone or lost or found, I see or hear something that reminds me of just how common this experience we call life is. And just like those before me (and myself before me), life will putter on…

Email wisdom from Dad

subject: cold – hi asha this is dad again. just read the crkt score on cricinfo. had a hearty laugh when read the weathr 31 and smoke. whts smoke. i guess we call it smog . by the way it is balmy here -1c. come prepd.

Sent at 2:30am Vancouver time.

Thanks Dad, I love you too! Can’t wait 🙂

ps its called haze 😛

This and that…

I own too many pairs of shoes. Yes I said it. I have 12 pairs of black heels, maybe more. I have 7 pairs of “casual” flip flops. I have 20+ pairs in storage in New York. The list could go on and on. I need an intervention. Somebody make me stop before it gets out of hand.

Please don’t ask me out on a date via facebook chat. If your only line of communication to me is facebook, chances are I’m not going to date you. Call, text, bbm, anything else. If you don’t have any of those, sorry.

Sometimes one truthful comment from someone who cares is all you need to turn things around. You have no idea how much I needed to hear what you had to say. Thank you.

In the past month I’ve learned that I can live without a TV but not without music. This surprises me a little. Without the internet however, I’m not sure I could breathe.

We are currently in a recession. There are alot of people looking for work. If you are applying for a job please write a cover letter. Sending me a spam with your resume attached is not going to get you noticed, I probably won’t even look at the resume and you just wasted both of our times. At a minimum bcc me so I feel special.

This and that…

Dancing around my living room for minimum 30 minutes a day is better stress relief than anything I’ve ever done before. The mirrors make it even better. Come over and try it sometime between 630-8pm weekdays, 10-11am on weekends. I’ll be here. The soundtrack changes daily.

Monster, the Squid and the Whale, the Impressionist, Vertigo…my movie and book choices have been so perfect lately, I’m back to the netflix days. I’m on a roll, I hope it doesn’t stop, I love the thinking I’m afforded through these works of art.

I absolutely LUV the Delhi 6 soundtrack. Its on repeat right now. and now. and now. and even now.

My newest learning is that when over 5 people give you the same advice you should take it. Especially when they are not your friends. Even if you don’t want to believe it. I may know more than 1 person, maybe 2, but not all 8 people who echoed the exact same thing. Silly silly girl.

Sometimes my horoscope is so right it scares me. Then I remember that I share it with about 500 million ppl. I wonder if its actually possible that it means the same to all 500 million of them. Its an even scarier thought than it being right for me right now.

What’s making me happy right now…

Blackberry messenger. My new flat and new sofa cushions. Wearing jeans again. E-itineraries in my inbox. Buying a bday gift for Amar & knowing I will give it to him in person this year. The hilarity of random fb messages. Weekend romps with the no bs friends. Day dreaming. Writing that comes naturally. Being low maintenance . Active reinvention. The application of the Cinderella rule.   Speaking to Amy everyday. Sleeping through the night. Compliments from my staff. Compliments in general. Growing my nails. Random run ins with high school friends..in Bombay. The return of the regular head massage. Photo shoots. Having elite status on Continental. Once again being reminded of how fantastic my Bombay friends are. Knowing I can do this.

You don’t what you got ’til its gone…

I know I’ve lost it. I kinda know when it happened. I tried to get it back in December only to be shot down again last week.

The spark, the fire, the drive, its all disappeared. I can’t even recognize myself anymore. I go through the motions and do all the things I’m supposed to do, and I do them well. But in reality, I’m just doing it because I have to. People are noticing too, the Asha they met and the Asha I am seem to be different. I spend 95% of my time as a driven, happy, successful, engaged, independent & interesting person. I’m maxing out that other 5% right now. I’m detached, boring, complacent & needy, I’m probably also a bit annoying.

I’ve been through this before and know I have to let myself fall just a little bit more before I pick myself up. I’m not worried about the future or about my life, I’m just so angry right now I’m paralyzed. The anger is what is snapping me out of it, breaking me free. I have so many plans and ideas and am truly looking forward to life post Feb. February is going to be a little shitty however.

Each time my world implodes it is of a much bigger magnitude. This time its going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. My heart and need for self preservation are truly at odds. Self preservation must and will win but it doesn’t make it any easier.

However each time I’ve reinvented myself its been bigger and better. I could have never dreamed my life would be the story that it is, and its a fantastic story so far, even if I’m the only one who knows all the pieces. This next reinvention is going to be a good one, I can feel it, smell it, see it. I already know what I want to do (sort-of/kinda), the plan is starting to form on paper and it looks phenomenal.

What does that mean for the rest of you? Well, basically, you’re about to see me be the neediest you’ve ever seen, its very difficult for me to ask for help so just be there and try to make it easy for me. Those who’ve know me for years have already started to get the late night calls hashing out plans and ideas and talking through the fog. You others who are part of the new era are getting the time pass calls, all you need to do is pick up the phone. I need pick me ups, distractions, things to laugh about, things to cry about. I need people to bounce ideas off of, people to share my plans with and to give me honest feedback.

Nothing is sure yet but this kick in the butt has been the best thing that could have happened. Life is good, I just have some fluff to sort through and remove first before I can see it clearly.